Current Events I’m Tracking Besides the January 6th Hearings.

Which talented artist and renowned humanitarian died in 2022? Please only choose one, thank you.

1. Bob Saget
2. Meatloaf
3. Orrin Hatch
4. Ivana Trump
5. Sidney Poitier

What was your reaction to the news that Jennifer Lopez took Ben Affleck’s last name when they got married in Las Vegas recently?

1. Why are you asking me this question?
2. OMG she did? That’s so romantic! Long Live Bennifer!
3. I thought they broke up ten years ago.
4. Karen, is that really you typing? I’m concerned.
5. Those people got married? Good for them, whatever, I don’t actually care.

On a scale of one to five, with one being the most and five being the least, please tell me how concerned you are about Monkeypox.

1. Extremely concerned. I think I already have it. Look, doesn’t that look like a monkeypox? I told you I have it.
2. Very concerned. I never leave my house, but now I’m really never leaving my house.
3. I understand that this is a disease passed through the exchange of body fluids, and my chances of contracting it are very low, but I do like to stay informed on matters of national health.
4. It’s a hoax, made up to deprive us of our constitutional rights not to wear face diapers.
5. I ain’t no monkey so I ain’t clicking.

Please weigh in on the Tristan/Khloe paternity scandal.

1. No, stop this. I refuse. I have limits.
2. Look, I get it, Khloe has always been the matchy-matchy sister, and she needs her babies to match.
3. I’m 100% here for the “who has the worst taste in men” contest that is the Kardashian family. So far, it’s a dead heat among four of the five.
4. Are you actually speaking English, Karen?

Will anything ever stick to Teflon Don?

1. After these hearings? They HAVE to indict him for something.
2. No.
3. Never.
4. No way.
5. Absolutely not.

Which author who writes about murder is wanted for questioning in an actual murder?

1. Thomas Harris, who I won’t read, thankyouverymuch.
2. Kate Atkinson, who often solves the crime with someone introduced late in the book, which isn’t fair for those of us playing along at home.
3. Gillian Flynn, who would be so talented at figuring out how to do it and not get caught that you would applaud her murders.
4. Dash Hammett, who is also dead.
5. Ruth Rendell, especially when writing as Barbara Vine.
6. Delia Owens, but I’m seeing the movie anyway.

Who appears in every single movie released in the last ten years?

1. Tessa Thompson.

What has happened since the Uvalde school shooting?

1. The United States has moved swiftly to institute a ban on automatic and semi-automatic weapons of war for the protection of our children.
2. The same thing that happened inside that hallway during the shooting (nothing).

Are you a pooping woman?

1. I am, and I agree with this message.
2. It’s a natural body function, and it’s time we discussed it openly.
3. THIS NEEDS TO STOP, NOW.

What eradicated disease just showed up again in NYC?

1. COVID, because it wasn’t real.
2. Polio, because anti-vaxxers are very real.