Ouija Boards

Despite an interest in methods of divination that peaked when I was 19–tarot cards, astral travel, palmistry–I have never touched a Ouija board. This has nothing to do with fear, and more to do with coming of age around Christians in Arkansas and Montana. My friends’ families would never have permitted this cursed instrument in their homes, so there were no breathless sleepovers wherein we queried the spirit world about our futures.

My own mother would never have wanted one in the house. Mom believed in magical thinking, but she did not believe in magic. She found the idea of communing with spirits backwards and distasteful. My grandparents, who had a heavy influence in our home until I was eleven or so, would have considered the Ouija board to be an instrument of Mortal Mind. For those of you who are not Christian Scientists, Mortal Mind is incorrect thought, and incorrect thought stands between humanity and the beautiful perfection of God.

Apparently, that included the Ouija board. Even so, I had seen the board somewhere and dismissed it out of hand as a hoax. Someone was pushing around that planchette. I knew it wasn’t a spirit.

Tarot Cards

Ouija aside, I was very interested in the psuedo-sciences of divination when I was 18 through 20. I especially loved the tarot. I don’t believe there is any actual fortune-telling going on, but they are a fantastic narrative-building tool. And the cards are so interesting. I had a Thoth deck that troubled me and I gave it away early. Now, why did it trouble me if it didn’t contain any actual power? I have no idea. It just felt wrong, and I wanted it gone. But I kept the Ryder deck.

At 21, I married a fearful lapsed Catholic. I was a fairly upstanding citizen but he told me I was going to hell on the regular (I just laughed). He would object strenuously if he saw that yellow box come out of the desk drawer. Like so many other things he objected to, I left it alone for years and years. I got rid of my desk eight years ago, when Dad bought me a huge new TV and I had to make room. There’s a chance that deck is still around here somewhere in a box with a stapler, some sticky note pads, a ruler and a hole punch. But I stopped laying out those cards decades ago.

And…a Psychic!

Despite my general disregard for anything metaphysical, spiritual, or occult, I did accept a reading from Char, Psychic to the Stars. A friend swore by Char’s readings and wanted me to have one as a birthday present. I wrote down notes from the reading (which happened over the phone) in a notebook I can’t find. If you’ve seen my bookshelves lately, you understand why I can’t find that notebook.  But I digress.

Here, to the best of my recollection, is what Char told me. 

I asked after my kids. She identified each daughter by inaccurate initials, which was strange. Like, “Your daughter whose name begins with C and ends with E” would get through her hard times and “come through” for me. Char repeated several times that this daughter would “come through for me.” Another daughter “whose name begins with an M and ends with an E” needed to leave home and travel far away to figure out who she is and find her path. Char couldn’t get a read on my third daughter. She was still very young at this point, eight years old, and apparently that can be hard to read.  

I was confused, as the girls’ names don’t correspond with these initials, but I just kind of went with it and took notes. Then, I shyly asked her about publication. This was around the time I was forty and I still had great hopes that my first Gentry would find a big audience and be made into splashy prestige television (Orlando Bloom/Michelle Pfeiffer if you’re wondering).  She told me that I would have some success later in life through a non-traditional publishing method, but that I would never be a big selling writer, just a modest presence through a non-traditional route.

Aside from my kids and my books, I really didn’t have much more to ask. These were my pressing concerns that year. So at this point, Char took over and started telling me stuff.

Char Receives Symbols

Char explained that she saw letters, numbers and symbols. She said she was getting symbols for a man in my life named Taliban, which really made no sense to her, but that was what was coming through. She said he was trouble and I probably needed therapy to get rid of him. I told her I knew who she was talking about, but I don’t think I told her any specifics, just that I knew who she meant.

Char also warned me about someone whose name started with C and ended with E. Those match my sister, but she said this was not sister energy, and that I needed to keep away from this person at all costs. Like, don’t do a spoken break, but “back away.” When this person called, I should go ring my own doorbell or set off my oven timer so I’d have to end the call. Isn’t that folksy and commonsense? It’s also useful. I’ve used this trick a few times and it works!

I was shocked when she asked me if I had a recently deceased friend. I said, yes, yes I did. She said she died in water and her body was found in trees. I didn’t confirm anything, i just listened. Apparently my friend’s spirit was there with Char and wanted me to know that she was okay, and that everyone should calm down about bringing her killer to justice. She said the truth would come out when the killer’s current wife left him and finally decided to talk. 

Char ended the conversation by telling me that I was a rare person in that if I worked on it, I could achieve all the components of a happy life. Love, family, friends, career, creative fulfillment, all of it. That this balance was very rare, but I could attain it. I don’t know if this is something she said to everyone, but it was nice to hear. 

Was Char Right?

I have thought about this reading on and off through the years. Some of it has come true, and some of it hasn’t.

• If you know my kids, you know those initials don’t correspond with their names. The initials actually correspond to their middle names. And just as Char said, my oldest daughter has come through for me, and my middle girl did have to go to NYC to find her way.
• I am not a bestselling author, but I do have a modest published presence out there in the world. So modest. But it’s there.
• The Taliban man was someone I called Tall Man to my friends (he is 6’8” and to be clear, he has absolutely no ties to the Taliban). You know those relationships where you’re working something out, something that’s necessary to work out, but when you look back you just can’t believe you did all that? Yes. This was one of those.
• The “C-E” person was a young friend on a downward spiral who would have loved to move in with me when her life fell apart. That did not happen. She was in a homeless shelter when she died of an overdose in 2004.
• My friend’s body was found on the banks of the Tualatin River, which is full of trees. It’s been 26 years since her death and her killer has never been brought to justice. From what I understand, the person of most police interest has a miserable and isolated life. Maybe that’s a type of justice?
• I do have a balanced life with all the components of happiness. And most of the time, I am indeed happy. Except for when I’m not.

So, I should believe in psychics, I guess.

My Doubts

I was gifted this reading from a friend who talked to Char regularly. My friend could have spoken to her about my life. There’s also the unfiltered full-strength internet, which would have had details on my daughters. That’s where she could have found information about Debbie’s disappearance and death, including a photo of me at her funeral in the local paper. But the Internet was still starting out back then. Not every single thing was online, especially not the photos from the Tualatin Times or whatever dinky little paper had that photo.

But still. Come on. Isn’t that eerie?

I’m a born skeptic. In my mind, the reading exists in a liminal space, shading from disbelief to belief, what came true and what didn’t. She didn’t get anything wrong. I’m very glad I experienced it and have never done it again.

What I do know about psychic stuff

(I said stuff in the header because it’s really hard to type phenomenon)

I always know who is calling me when I hear the phone ring. Always.

I often know when friends are in crisis.

I can totally read a dog’s mind.

Other than that, it’s probably all hokum.