Hot Dog, Valentine….

Happy Valentine’s Day, all you big weenies.

Here they are. And there are so many of them. So many weenies, so many ways, that I feel I need to organize them somehow. But I’m going to start with one that’s sweet. I mean, sure, it has its Freudian implications here; weiners, buns, a pup and a pussycat. I totally get that. But at least it’s cute.

But then, of course, things start to get weird. There’s this star-crossed processed meats thing going on with hotdogs and baloney (remember when it was spelled bologna? I do. I am bologna years old).

What an unappetizing chunk of bologna in that one. Much better to have it…heart shaped?

Enough lunchmeat. It’s time for the hotdogs to get amorous with the condiments. Like this dapper little weenie with mustard under his hat and his stick in the relish.

Or this one, which is supposed to be about weenies and mustard, but I can only assume that there is mustard hiding inside the card (that little circle at the tip of the hotdog is a hinge, not…something else).

As a side note, nothing bugs me more than gigantic hotdog buns and undersized weenies and if that doesn’t sound Freudian I don’t know what does, but really. The ratio has to be right.

Moving on, the Mustard is super amorous here. He is even wearing spats. Look at that hotdog, reclining so luxuriously on that bun, waiting to be relished, but instead it’s going to be ravished by some really bad puns.

Wait, are there good puns? No chance! Here’s another bad one! I know it’s bad because I just made this pun myself!

This one is a dilly. Maybe that pickle is ready to be a side dish, tipping its lid like that to another reclining dog on a bun. Or is there something motherly going on here? Like, is the pickle jar going to adopt that little weenie, wich reminds me of Moses in his cradle of rushes?

Condiments abound on these next cards, which celebrate hotdog-on-hotdog love with all kinds of abundant mustards, just glopped all over the place.

This next one seems pretty graphic. It must be from the seventies, when the bounds of decency became a bit more elastic.

This one is a little more tasteful, don’t you think? Less gloppy for sure. The mustard hat is a nice touch.

And we are Freudianly forking a pickle here, but even so, this isn’t as fervent as some of the other weenie-on-weenie cards.

Lastly, we have some solo frankfurters. There they are , giving us a furtive side eye from within the comfort of their buns, inviting us to join them for a Valentine frolic.

That’s it for the hotdog Valentine’s Day round-up. May your day be fine and fun, and now I am going to go grill myself a hotdog. I mean, they don’t grill themselves, unless they’re this little weirdo here.

Happy Valentine’s Day!